step up to the mike...

"Impartiality is not neutrality. It is partiality for justice." - Stanisław Jerzy Lec (1909-1966)

 

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NuLabour: Soft on Daleks and the causes of Daleks

The astonishing announcement by the British Board of Film Classification that Doctor Who will have to be released on DVD with a 12 certificate has now caused acute embarrassment to a newly-elected NuLabour government. Charles Clarke, the Homeley Secretary, hoping to reintroduce the legislation on ID cards and locking up dark skinned foreigners for no reason, must now answer allegations that the government has gone soft on Daleks.

The furore blew up over a recent episode of the new Doctor Who series, starring Mancunian actor Christopher Eccleston. In one scene an imprisoned and chained Dalek is electrocuted by a hysterical Doctor wreaking revenge for the destruction of his own planet. However, when the scene was viewed by twelve members of the BBFC Kiddies Programme Department, the overwhelming opinion was that this set a bad example for children, releasing a statement saying: "Torture is not a way to resolve problems. Children watching this scene and then meeting a Dalek in their school playground might feel obliged to torture it and taunt it in a Mancunian accent."

What was thought to be a storm in a teacup soon blew up into a minor embarrassment when Charles Clarke stood up in Parliament and answered a question from Opposition Spokesman on Crime, Guy Chaperall (19): "Is the Homeley Secretary aware of the BBFC's decision to show compassion to the Daleks?" Clarke responded by saying he was and promised a public inquiry to be chaired by an old man from the Savoy Club. Later in the day a rushed document containing the brief for the public inquiry was released to the press. There were a few notable changes, including: "The criteria for investigation will be limited to the episode of Doctor Who in question and whether there is any link, unintended or otherwise, between the Daleks and their implicit role in international terrorism."

Angus Calyard, current head of the BBFC was forced to reveal the full statement regarding the adjudication on the Doctor Who DVD. In it paragraph 12 stated: "Whilst the Daleks are recognised as a work of fiction and make believe we can't help acknowledging that there was only one portrayed in this episode. It is common knowledge that previous episodes included many more Daleks, their whereabouts of which are now unknown. There is a very slight possibility that they and their leader Davros have gone to ground and are actively involved in international terrorism and possibly part of an as yet undiscovered al-Qaeda cell. Scenes of torture and degradation might be interpreted by the Muslim community as being disrespectful to Islam."

This connection between Islam and the Daleks was immediately seized upon by an enraged Muslim Council of Britain. "Once again we see British institutions linking Islam with evil," said a spokesman for the organisation. Charles Clarke sent an unreserved apology to the Council, stressing that every avenue of investigation will be covered by the inquiry and that the conclusion will hopefully be reached that the Daleks are not worthy of compassion, understanding or be immune from the odd bit of torture now and again. He also reminded people that the Daleks were probably "atheistic fundamentalists".

The report is due out at the end of June. "Gorgeous" George Galloway, MP for Befnall Green and Bow, was asked for his opinion, but was unavailable for comment. His PA told The Rockall Times: "George is currently in Washington recording a duet with hip-hop star Condoleezza Rice."

ROCKALL TIMES

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Young Eagles Cemetery...

The Presidents of Poland and Ukraine this morning opened the restored Young Eagles' Cemetery in Lviv - now in Ukraine but before the wr the then Polish city of Lwow. The magnificent and elaborate Cemetery is where the bodies of young Polish defenders - many of them only children - of Lwow were laid at the time of Polish - Ukrainian fighting in 1919-1920. The cemetery has long been a bone of contention between the two nations. Perhaps that too can now be laid to rest.

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An American view...

 

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With  the threat of Polish plumbers upsetting the French - the Polish National Tourism Office in Paris has retaliated - with a poster of a Polish plumber:

 

posted by: Oborski at 19:00 | link | comments (1) |

Back in the early 70s I couldn't sleep. I turned on the radio and they were playing Al Stewart's "Roads To Moscow". I got up the following morning and bought his back catalogue. I've bought his releases ever since. Conventional wisdom is that he peaked in the late 70s with "Year Of The Cat" and "Time Passages" and that later material was inferior or increasingly obscure. There is some truth in that. "A Beach Full Of Shells" sees him totally back on form. Get hold of a copy and enjoy...

posted by: Oborski at 16:09 | link | comments |

A Guardian leader argues...

A new NHS market

If the threats to shut down Kidderminster hospital's accident and emergency department lost Labour its seat in the town in the 2001 election, what is the government's new competitive health market going to do in the 2009 election with hospital departments and wards being closed up and down the country? Few people are aware about what is going to happen to the NHS. Labour's plan is far more radical than the internal market that the Conservatives introduced in 1991. While there are more structures in place to protect standards - inspection, clear clinical guidelines and competition based on capacity not price - there is no current plan for a safety net like the one the Tories used to prevent closures and protect the party from political flak.

Patricia Hewitt, the new health secretary, has been blunt about the plan that she inherited. At the end of last week when she addressed 1,500 health managers she did not pull her punches. She reminded them that the NHS was moving on from a top-down, target-driven managed service but the new system of payments following patients would create more uncertainty and instability. She explained: "We need payments by results - not only because it underpins patient choice, but because it will create very sharp incentives to under-performing parts to our service to change their ways or give way to others who can do better.

Ms Hewitt was right to recognise that for all the improvements in the NHS that Labour's record investment has helped generate - shorter waiting times, improved survival rates for cancer and heart disease, expanded facilities - the variations in hospital performances remain too wide. Efficiency will become even more important in 2008 when Labour's munificence comes to an end.

Competition for planned hospital care should cut waiting times and reduce the need for patients to pay privately but the market that begins in April next year is much wider than this. It includes accident and emergency services, non-elective surgery plus outpatients. Foundation hospitals have been operating this system across the board since April. It would have been wiser if the government had watched how this trial worked out. Both accident and emergency care as well as long-term chronic conditions require collaboration between the different parts of the NHS, not competition. The current plan risks sucking more resources into inpatient care, just as hospitals ought to be working with primary care teams to avoid admissions. It is time to talk up collaboration while waiting to see what competition produces

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60th anniversary...

Wyre Forest's Polish Community will be marking the 60th anniversary of the end of the Second World War with a series of events on Sunday 10th July.

July 10th is the date of the national commemoration of both VE (Victory in Europe) Day and VJ (Victory over Japan) Day across the U.K..

Events in Kidderminster will start with the celebration of Holy Mass by Father Edward Stachurski at 10.00am the Polish Catholic Church of Our Lady of Ostra Brama in Kidderminster's Pitt Street.

At 11.30am local Polish Community leaders will lay flowers at both the War Memorial and at the Holocaust Memorial outside Kidderminster's Parish Church of St. Mary and All Saints.

Later in the afternoon at 5.00pm Cllr Mike Oborski, Consul of the Republic of Poland for the West MIdlands will be speaking about Poland's contribution in World War II at the Polish Ex-Servicemen's Club in Kidderminster's St.George's Terrace.

The talk will be followed by a film about Polish wartime General Wladyslaw Anders and his soldiers. After putting up a heroic fight in the defence of Poland in 1939 General Anders was imprisoned and tortured by the Soviets in Moscow's notorious Lubianka Prison. Released when Germany invaded Russia he formed a Polish Army on Soviet soil made up of Poles who had been forcibly deported from the old east of Poland to forced labour camps in Siberia. Realising that the Soviets could not be trusted General Anders led his soldiers out of the Soviet Union and into Persia - modern Iran. Many died along the way. His troops trained, reorganised and subsequently fought alongside British forces in North Africa. It was General Ander's legendary Second Division which then took the German mountain stronghold of Monte Cassino during the Italian Campaign.

Most of the Poles who settled in Kidderminster after World War II came via Siberia and then Persia, North Africa and Italy with General Anders and his army.

Cllr Oborski said "Poles were not allowed to take part in VE Day celebrations in London in 1945 in case it upset the Soviet Russian Government. Poland remained oppressed by the Soviets until 1989 when freedom was restored under the leadership of the Polish workers Solidarity movement - 'Solidarnosc'. Today, once again, we have a free Poland, an independent Poland, a self governing Poland - now a member of both NATO and EU and a major force for freedom and democracy in Central Europe.""

"Having suffered so badly and for so long - both during and after World War II - Poles have much to remember and much to commemorate. July 10th will be a very special day for the Polish community in Kidderminster."

posted by: Oborski at 18:46 | link | comments |

God to step down - official

The Rockall Times reports...

After fifteen billion years in the job, God is finally stepping down, it was announced today.

Speaking from a tower above the Pearly Gates, St Peter told a stunned universe that God now felt he was too old to be the Supreme Being, and would be making way for a younger man.

Departing from his prepared statement, the 2027-year-old Apostle dwelt on some of the pressures that lay behind God's decision. "Life as the Almighty hasn't been a bundle of laughs," said the former fisherman. "Juggling the need to monitor everyone's behaviour on a twenty-four hour basis with his His responsibilities as a single parent has meant that God has had very little sleep over the last few aeons. Now He feels it's time for a change."

St Peter went on to praise God's record as King of Heaven, while dismissing recent criticisms that His much-vaunted Omniscience was showing signs of breaking down.

"There are things we might wish He'd done differently," he conceded. "He could have wiped out Dexy's Midnight Runners before they got a recording contract. He could have made the Americans French, so they'd dress acceptably well and shrug their shoulders in quite an attractive way. But it's easy to be wise after the event. The fact is that since the Big Bang the universe has enjoyed a period of unrivalled expansion, due in no small measure to God's unique capacity for blue-skies thinking and vertical crisis management. Look at His track record. He had the heating working by the Fourth Day, and the lights came on soon after. Compare that with Virgin Trains."

God is staying on as caretaker until a successor is chosen, and the process of finding the new man is expected to begin in earnest tomorrow. Jesus is hotly tipped to succeed, though Heaven-watchers caution against seeing his election as a done deal. Whispers of nepotism are already being heard in the celestial antechambers, and his closeness to George Bush and Tony Blair is likely to count against him with the rank and file. Doubts on that score have persuaded some pundits to tip the Holy Ghost, who, along with God and Jesus, is one of the core group of three known as the Holy Trinity. He wasn't available for comment, on account of being invisible, but was believed to be hovering somewhere near the reporters' enclosure.

Blessed Michael the Archangel - known as "Two Harps" - will not be standing. He sees himself as part of the old guard, and believes the old "God's rottweiler" tag is one he'll never shake off. These days the overweight bruiser is philosophical about his image, as he revealed when he strolled out of Paradise this afternoon to tell reporters to stop hounding him. "Frankly, it's been an annoyment and an imposition to me and my wife, and would be even if I hadn't told you about it before, so I don't know why you're asking me the question... Can we do that again?"

Earlier, when St Peter was quizzed about God's own plans for the future, he stressed that God intends to have an active retirement. "He'd like to manage Kidderminster Harriers when the job falls vacant at the end of the season," said the Keeper of the Keys. "He knows quite a lot about football, having watched every FA Cup Final since the first in 1871. Kiddie is well known as the crappest team in the English League, and the fans are often heard saying, 'God help us in the play-offs'. And God listens, you know. He feels that with the right sponsorship deal and nicer shorts they could start the long haul towards the Premiership."

This news was not well received by the acceptably-dressed Arsene Wenger. "If Goad is allowed to manage a food-ball tim, it could be ze end of ze Beaudiful Game," he declared, shrugging in quite an attractive way. "'Owever, even wan of 'eez miracles could not 'elp Kidderminster."

The new God will be elected by a Convocation of Angels sometime next week. A column of white smoke will be the signal that they're thinking about it while sucking on a spliff.

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